


Dirty

by Geralts_Dandy_Lion



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, Light BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geralts_Dandy_Lion/pseuds/Geralts_Dandy_Lion
Summary: being submissive doesn't make you weak(maybe i'll believe that one day lol)
Relationships: Sebastian Moran/Jim Moriarty
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Dirty

“Do not fucking touch me.” Jim hissed, hand coming up in a protective manner in front of his face. “If you touch me I will hurt you.”

Sebastian took a step back, coming to rest against the wall of the narrow corridor behind him. The turns Jim’s mood took shouldn’t have been a surprise at this point but he hadn’t had one in such a long time he’d almost thought they’d stopped. 

“Okay Jim, okay.” Sebastian looked across at him, noticing the genuine fear plastered across his face. “Sweetheart…”

“No not that either,” Jim spat, “No pet names.”

“Okay.”

Jim snorted and whispered, what sounded like to Sebastian, ‘pathetic’. 

“What did you just say?” He softly asked, following his boyfriend as he walked into the kitchen, flapping his hands back and forth, almost like he was trying to shake something out of his body through his fingertips. 

“I said, ‘pathetic’.”

Sebastian nodded and sat down on a bar stool, “I thought you did. Why am I pathetic?”

“Not you, me. I’m pathetic.”

“Why are you pathetic Jim?” It wasn’t any sort of normality for Jim to degrade himself, even at his darkest moments his rages were mostly fuelled off a thread of narcissism.

Jim’s hand touched his own throat, fingering the bruises from the previous night. Wincing as he put pressure on them. “This is pathetic.”

Concerned about the sudden turn Sebastian looked intently acoss the room, “I will continue to have this conversation with you, but I need you to tell me right now if I forced you to do anything you didn’t want.”

“No.” Jim replied, serious in tone. “You didn’t, don’t worry about that.” He sighed and pulled at his hair a little too roughly, “That’s mostly the issue.”

“Stop hurting yourself.” Sebastian said firmly, “Explain more what you mean.”

“I’m meant to be in charge. I look after you, I run the company, I deal with everyone’s shit every second of every day. I’m Moriarty. I know who I am.” He grit his teeth and banged a fist against the marble counter, “I don’t know who the fuck I was last night.”  
Sebastian just looked at him and nodded, indicating he should continue. 

“My brain runs at 100 miles an hour at all times, it’s how I get things done. Last night...everything stopped and all I knew was you and what you were telling me to do. I feel like I’ve lost something that’s my defining characteristic. I feel fucking dirty and shameful.” He scratched at the exposed skin under his dressing gown, “What the fuck was I doing, the shit I said...the way I was acting. I want to fucking crawl into a hole and die.”

Standing up Sebastian walked across so he was in front of the smaller man, moving his hand slowly forward, judging the reaction before grasping the hand from under the dressing gown. He looked down and saw specks of blood under his boyfriend's fingernails. 

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Sebastian asked, running his fingers along the other’s knuckles. 

“Yes.” Jim whispered, almost inaudibly.

“Why do you feel dirty?”

“I’m the one that’s supposed to be in charge here. That’s what is expected.”

Sebastian chuckled and shook his head, “I don’t expect anything of you. Ever. Well I’d like to stay alive and not end up as one of your boredom kills. That could be an expectation.”

Wiping his eyes, Jim huffed and snorted.

“Jokes aside, Jim, do you think maybe your brain needed to be quiet for a while? You’re the smartest man on this planet and I love you for it but it has to be tiring. Was it at least a little relaxing?”

Shrugging, Jim looked up, “Yeah. It was the first time my own thoughts have been quiet in a long... long time.”

“I don’t think you’re dirty, or shameful or any of the other things that your brain is telling you.”

“So you don’t think I’m pathetic?” Jim cocked an eyebrow, “I thought you were with me because of the whole Moriarty persona.”

“Yeah the Moriarty side of you is appealing to my self destructive veteran side,” the man said sticking his tongue out, “But I’m dating Jim. Not Moriarty. And if Jim needs to give up control for a while, I am glad you trust me enough with you in that state of mind.”

Jim leant his head on Sebastian’s chest. “I need time to think about it”

“Of course. But I’m here for you whatever you decide and whenever you decide it.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is a bit venty, my brain is just struggling


End file.
